I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
