I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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