we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
