i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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