if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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