Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
