He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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