I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
