I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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