I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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