id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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