I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize