we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
