I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
