Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
