My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
