You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
