THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
