"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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