??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
