she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
