and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
