The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
are you so shy because you have an std?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
