dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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