He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
