I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Everclear isn't food dammit
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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