he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
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Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
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There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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