farters have to be the big spoon...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
there is glitter all over my balls
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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