there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
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Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
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There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly