no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.