im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I looked at my own cervix.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
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i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
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So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it