DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
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You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
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You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere