would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
