i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
