Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
