it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
