Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
