when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
