Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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