Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
