I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
