I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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