I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
be right there i have to get my cape
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
