he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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