I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
