that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
honey bunches of taint.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
