Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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