walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
