Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
