I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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