Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
