How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
