I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
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I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
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Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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