Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
