I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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