Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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