somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think my moral compass just broke
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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