I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
