it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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