Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
