oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
