My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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