oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize