I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
