Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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