I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
