He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
