I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
