pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
