I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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