if i can run in heels then i can drive
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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