I think i sorta joined a cult last night
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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