her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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