I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
