I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
