My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
