my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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