if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Sober January is a disaster.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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