last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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