Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
