I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
