Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
