Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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