he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
